Suddenly it seemed like I am in a lost too. I don't know what I should do and I don't know if I am doing it the right way. We are already separated and its only logical and right to give each other space and see each other less. Its also only right that she is finding it hard to get over it, but it seems like I am the one who's having problems trying to move on. The whole world is urging me to give up hope and to move on, if she turns back, it may be a good thing, but suddenly, I am finding it hard to start moving on. There's this inertia in me, keeping me rooted to the same spot. She seems to be getting over it pretty quickly and perhaps yesterday was just wrong for us to have met! Guess what, we went down to her dance performance only to be disappointed by the stupid organizers for pushing celebrity wang's performance forward and then to cancel the previous intended performance! The funny thing was she decided to join us to chill over at PS Cafe in Dempsey. Guess what! That was the place she wanted to bring me to on our 2nd year anniversary! I didn't know what to feel and I didn't know how to react when they went to meet her, I only knew that my heart was thumping real fast and I was excited yet reluctant to see her! I knew I missed her, I knew I wanted to see her, but I thought i would be sad to see her in a different status.
PS cafe was fun, all I knew was that I didn't look into her eyes. I knew I didn't even looked at her when I talked, I wondered what was going through her mind..... I felt her eyes catching a glimpse of me whenever I talked or whenever I was messaging someone but I was more curious of what went through her mind! I don't know what to do at all, I don't know what to expect, its getting so complicating!!!! She's so special as compared to the rest of the girls I have had, so much so that I feel that she's going to stay in this corner of my heart as the greatest regret of my life....Everything has been so sudden and now, everyone is asking me to move on, to forget and to lead my own life. ENOUGH!!! I am already leading my own life and its nothing wrong for me to think about the past and to reminisce about the happy times isn't it? I am not deluding myself, nor am I trying to live in the past but its all so sudden, I can't expect to pick myself up so quickly isn't it? My heart ain't made of gold, its all blood and flesh, and it hurts to know the one you've loved so dearly is not thinking of you anymore!
I always wished I could live in my own fairytale happily ever after. After the previous girl left, I saw HER. I thought she was innocent, she was simple and all she needed was someone to love her and care for her. I thought she was easily satisfied but I never knew she was eager to always look for the best. I am definitely not the best in terms of looks, and anything else superficial. But, I know that whatever I can do for her, nobody would be able to fill my shoes! I don't know what to feel now, I don't know what I am feeling, I just know I am yearning for her company! God, save me from this craziness.....
You give my life a brand new start...
3:45:00 PM