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Saturday, October 31, 2009
You know you haven't really gotten over her if you keep asking yourself and trying to find out what she is up to every single moment. You know it when you keep thinking that the guy will ask her out and be with her studying together! But what is stopping you from not thinking all these rubbish. That's work! Being occupied and keeping yourself occupied perhaps, will keep you from thinking about the things you shouldn't be thinking of...Quan came over last night and we caught a late-night movie together, poker king. It was supposed to be a comedy, but as usual there is the element of love too. Stephy Tang was definitely sweet looking and just like any other movie, we expect that perfect ending and its fairy tale promises. I wasn't affected, but I asked myself, have I gotten over her? Have I gotten over all the memories we have shared? I couldn't find the answer within myself, but I knew one thing's for sure, I probably wouldn't know how to react if I see her in the arms of that other guy....
Perhaps like how everyone tells me, I haven't met the one of my life yet and that probably is the reason why I haven't found true love. Two times in a row, two times in my life. I realised that giving it all for the things you love and for the ones you love may not always necessary work. Perhaps, we should look ahead and wait, wait for the one to cross paths with me again. Please stop fooling around with me, dear god...........

You give my life a brand new start...
11:57:00 AM



Friday, October 30, 2009
Been close to a week since we last contacted each other, the longest by far. Today we had the same elective together and I didn't sit with her because it just didn't feel right. She left straight after class and I thought, well, this way I wouldn't have to risk bumping into her. Then again, thoughts were going through my mind about how I would have reacted if we bumped into each other. I guess we almost did during the break but I walked straight towards the GENTS without looking back. When I was finally done, I walked out only to find her right in front of me. GOSH! I was so relieved we didn't bump into each other, otherwise I would have frozen, not knowing whether to acknowledge her presence or not.
In any case, as soon as class ended, she disappeared amongst the crowd while I was still busy packing up my bag. It didn't matter especially since I wasn't so keen to meet her. I went to the library to put my stuff down before heading to the canteen for dinner with shawn when we saw her sitting alone in front of Old Chang Kee. I murmured to shawn before turning away hastily. To my astonishment! I realised she was actually waiting for him. That guy! Oh well, that moment, I wished I could go up to him and send him reeling from my punches. I wished I could have tested my fists on his face ya know! That moment, my heart felt like a dagger had went right through it. Well, I thought that was an understatement. I felt that my tears were just waiting for the floodgates to be opened. I held it back. The pain was unbearable! They had arranged to meet... Its the last straw. I will not look back until I move on..... Lost it all..... I will not be humbled......='(

You give my life a brand new start...
5:13:00 AM



Saturday, October 24, 2009
Suddenly it seemed like I am in a lost too. I don't know what I should do and I don't know if I am doing it the right way. We are already separated and its only logical and right to give each other space and see each other less. Its also only right that she is finding it hard to get over it, but it seems like I am the one who's having problems trying to move on. The whole world is urging me to give up hope and to move on, if she turns back, it may be a good thing, but suddenly, I am finding it hard to start moving on. There's this inertia in me, keeping me rooted to the same spot. She seems to be getting over it pretty quickly and perhaps yesterday was just wrong for us to have met! Guess what, we went down to her dance performance only to be disappointed by the stupid organizers for pushing celebrity wang's performance forward and then to cancel the previous intended performance! The funny thing was she decided to join us to chill over at PS Cafe in Dempsey. Guess what! That was the place she wanted to bring me to on our 2nd year anniversary! I didn't know what to feel and I didn't know how to react when they went to meet her, I only knew that my heart was thumping real fast and I was excited yet reluctant to see her! I knew I missed her, I knew I wanted to see her, but I thought i would be sad to see her in a different status.
PS cafe was fun, all I knew was that I didn't look into her eyes. I knew I didn't even looked at her when I talked, I wondered what was going through her mind..... I felt her eyes catching a glimpse of me whenever I talked or whenever I was messaging someone but I was more curious of what went through her mind! I don't know what to do at all, I don't know what to expect, its getting so complicating!!!! She's so special as compared to the rest of the girls I have had, so much so that I feel that she's going to stay in this corner of my heart as the greatest regret of my life....Everything has been so sudden and now, everyone is asking me to move on, to forget and to lead my own life. ENOUGH!!! I am already leading my own life and its nothing wrong for me to think about the past and to reminisce about the happy times isn't it? I am not deluding myself, nor am I trying to live in the past but its all so sudden, I can't expect to pick myself up so quickly isn't it? My heart ain't made of gold, its all blood and flesh, and it hurts to know the one you've loved so dearly is not thinking of you anymore!
I always wished I could live in my own fairytale happily ever after. After the previous girl left, I saw HER. I thought she was innocent, she was simple and all she needed was someone to love her and care for her. I thought she was easily satisfied but I never knew she was eager to always look for the best. I am definitely not the best in terms of looks, and anything else superficial. But, I know that whatever I can do for her, nobody would be able to fill my shoes! I don't know what to feel now, I don't know what I am feeling, I just know I am yearning for her company! God, save me from this craziness.....

You give my life a brand new start...
3:45:00 PM



Friday, October 23, 2009
When she came along, she gave me a reason to ask myself whatever I'm blogging for. She said that its just weird to tell the world about what is happening to my life and so it seems, this blog became isolated. Its been two years since and I really feel very, very tired having to watch my back every time it happens! I don't know what to feel no and I don't know if I'm feeling sad too. All that i know, is that I am feeling uncomfortable. I don't know what's exactly on my mind, but I simply hate the feeling of waking up day after day, thinking that it was just a dream. Each time I wake up, I will just rush to my mobile and glance at its screen, hoping to see a message from her. Is it a routine? Or is it purely just hope?
We used to send each other messages in the morning all through the day, but this has stopped ever since contemporary took over her life. Its not dying down yet, the trainings, the meetings and more importantly that guy! I cannot understand how he doesn't feel anything! He has thrown his respect for other people right through the window! Just as how I don't know how he knows that she was sick the last time. Perhaps she told him, perhaps he asked, perhaps.........Life is such a tough process sometimes, we face obstacles in our way and we stumble and fall. BUT, I've met with such situations before already! Do I always have to go through this?? I need some love, I need some care. What should I do? What can I do? I need strength to carry on....

You give my life a brand new start...
11:14:00 AM



Thursday, October 22, 2009
Its not helping that I am all alone in this room all by myself. I am so used to letting my thoughts run wild, so used to crazy thoughts and silly ideas, but I never, never felt so alone before. In another two days time, it would have been our 25th month, if I still had you by my side. I wonder if you will ever remember the date and if you would feel that tinge of sadness about losing this relationship. Note that I no longer say losing me, cos' I thought I don't mean anything to you anymore. I kept reading through my blog, trying to tell myself that just as it ha happened the last time, it has now happened a second time. I am so afraid of falling in love again, of going through the process of building it all up only to find it tumbling down again. I need some confidence desperately. I keep thinking to myself nowadays, where can I find a girl who appreciates me for who I am but not for how I look? I give my all in everything to do, short of making it good enough for my studies and academics, but am I really not driven? I don't think so, see BROADWAY 2009.... Isn't it a good enough indication of my conviction my passion and drive? I don't know why, I don't know what to do anymore, god.... GIVE ME A SIGN....

You give my life a brand new start...
8:40:00 PM



This can be so crazy, this can be so tiring. Sometimes, I really don't know who to listen to and who to trust. At the back of my mind, I seem to know that she will just leave and run towards him but there will be other times when I will think that she will see the light. In any case, it has been so tiring physically and mentally. She is suffering too and so am I, in no way am I less hurt than she is. It was such a sweet beginning and such a fairytale two years but now its all gone with the wind. Sometimes I cannot understand how she would want to give this all up for a new guy and perhaps, I should have anticipated all these. I knew I would often question myself whenever I see pretty girls, but I knew that looks ain't everything and looking beyond that i had a loving girlfriend, whom I thought really LOVED me. Guess what, it couldn't be any less hurting to hear it for myself and to know that actually the truth is not so fairytale-like. This is life, we are all humans. We want something better for ourselves and it is through this pursuit of perfection that we lose ourselves. Maybe I should be selfish, I should worry about myself and not her anymore, I should move on.... And when I do, I never look back anymore.. That's me.. At least for now, I know, she seemed like giving this all up... Its time to move on my friend...

You give my life a brand new start...
7:43:00 PM



Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Time has taken its toll on me and when you finally realised that she's actually already thinking of another guy, the pain becomes unbearable. Two times in a row, I've been hurt in a relationship just because I gave my all. So it seems that good guys do finish last. Yesterday I decided after sometime that the best way out is for me to walk out of this alone. I've decided to give it up. She can go and find her happiness with him and that I wish them the best. The heart's feeling the pain and its no longer in a piece, the promises we had, the words she said and the presents she make are making it so difficult to put it all to rest. This is love, this is life, complicated and tough. I wished I was still a little boy, I wished I didn't have so much to worry and think about, I wished I was a monk, I wished I never had to fall in love and feel the pain.....
How I wish for a bit of fairness in exchange for all that i've done for her? I am so crushed....

You give my life a brand new start...
1:29:00 PM



Monday, October 12, 2009
I always thought that writing was one way of getting things off your chest and just how much it can help to make me feel better. It was simply amazing how I'd thought I'll never be blogging again. Things got a little crazier this time and it took such an unbelievable turn for the bad I just wasn't prepared...If it were so simple, that wouldn't be called "life" anymore ain't it? ,what one of my friend would readily say. But its simply crazy to see the change in a person so drastic, someone I thought would be there for me, now turning a cold shoulder to me, changing into someone I'd never knew existed. Perhaps it was the freedom, the way she finally saw what the opportunities were WITHOUT me and so be it...

I thought my blog would become redundant when she came along. She was so different from the rest but I never knew that this can all change. I thought I turned in at 4 am this morning and was so worried I wouldn't be on time for the 0930 lesson but guess what, I jolted up at 0730 and I just couldn't put my mind to sleep anymore..The things she said kept racing through my mind, the things she did. She didn't mean to hurt me but I don't seem to be the one that causes the ripples in her heart anymore. It seems so hard to make it work anymore. Regrets aplenty, things I could have done to make this all the more memorable, but I just cannot anymore. This feels so tiring, so painful, especially knowing I've got so much in me I don't know who to tell...

Would she wake up? I don't know.. The photos were up yesterday and it seems that his were all titled with so much happiness while for us....I was the only one tagged in it.. No more sweet titles for this man of hers...NOTHING.... The pain is unbearable, I just didn't know how to react but I know my friends will be there for me....I hope this will past and we both emerge stronger, I hope she realises that I've been the one through it for her.. I hope she sees the light and realises through mind, not the heart, I still miss her but i think she doesn't think about me. That's what I think...I need some help....I need to find myself...

You give my life a brand new start...
7:52:00 AM



welcome
So that I Love and Cherish....

Site: http://walkwithen.blogspot.com
Webmaster: Eason
Since: 26 Feb 2007

biography
Cancerian
21
Male

dislikes

Liars
Hypocrites
Playboys

desires
An everlasting r'ship
A lovable gf.....HER~
Life to be super great!
My 'metro' Esprit bag (That I can't find anymore)
More clothes...MORE
connections
Kwok
Stevie
Leonard
Bao yue
Xiaobin
Bilu
Sidney
Xinyi
Shuyin
Ben Lim
Joy
Zee

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creds
His friend's sister. (: