The past few days leading up to Sunday were crazy. I guess I really just missed her and needed to meet her badly and I did the unfathomable. I decided to bring cookie out. I knew I missed cookie too but if someone had ever asked if cookie was just an excuse, I would really say I don't know. That's the honest truth. We had long talks on our trip out together and I am pretty glad it wasn't awkward for us. Its just so amazing how much things changes when a couple becomes platonic friends. Where was the love we both shared? Amazing! Nights become exceptionally long when I think of her. It really sucks to know she still means a deal to me. It hurts even more knowing that she has clean forgotten about every single thing about us. No regrets at all? Perhaps I was a plain lousy boyfriend. I just couldn't understand what was wrong with me. Was I even her 1st relationship? It felt more like the other way around. Even after meeting her on Sunday, I couldn't tell if meeting her was the right thing to do. But I know that I was happy to see her then. Everything else didn't matter. Last night, my friends and I went to catchThe Storm Warriors in the evening. I knew I hated the night because it becomes exceptionally long and cold. I started to think of us and I was simply very sad because she could just forget everything and not feel that tinge of sadness. I believe that what I had done for her would suffice for some form of recognition right? In any case, this close friend of mine talked to me on the bus ride home and I finally saw what they meant by saying leading a better life without her. I guess I was just too caught up with so many things or the way they had talked to me about us that I simply did not digest what they had told me the last time around. Today, I will tell myself that I will move on and that what was between us are now just memories I can keep. She will feel the loss and regret one day, and one day she feels that way, I have already moved on..... This time I must learn to love myself first.....
You give my life a brand new start...
11:42:00 AM
Happy Holidays? There are so many could have been, so many what ifs but none of what is going through my mind is ever going to work out, isn't it? I have been cramming my schedule with activities every single day so that I won't even have the time to be bothered by anything else. I simply cannot remember what I went through for the past one week and I just cannot help but feel damn tired at this moment. I am simply glad I had the chance to sleep till I wake up, not having to worry about studying or anything else. I ask myself sometimes, what do I want at this moment in my life? I really do not know. I am feeling super random and spontaneous and all I'd like to do now is to have fun and not think of anything else. Seriously, I could have been in Bangkok at this moment had things not unfolded this way. Seriously, I have no idea how things in life can take such a crazy turn. Are there miracles in life? Do I believe in miracles? I simply have no idea. I don't know what I am trying to say, perhaps that tells you the state of mind i am in.... I AM LOST...
You give my life a brand new start...
4:41:00 PM
Sometimes I am baffled at how things pan out in life. I couldn't get anyone to go out with me and I ended in hall watching 500 days of summer alone. I know what that I will be typing out is going to be a little random and spontaneous but I just felt like saying how I really feel at this present moment. My brother just called me to ask me to stay in hall because he is booking out at this moment and he is coming over to find me and stay in my hall. It doesn't matter why he is doing that, but all of a sudden I feel so touched. I kinda needed someone to talk to, to really tell someone how I really feel deep inside and I guess I really cannot find someone else to.... i need to stop here...
You give my life a brand new start...
7:59:00 PM
Time comes to a standstill whenever you are alone. The dreaded exams have finally concluded for me. The number of people in school has been diminishing exponentially and it felt so dreadful to have to drag your body to school just to study. I guess we all have complaints. I know I should be happy that my exams are over, happy that I can be spending my own time, but well this has all changed isn't it? The moment the speakers went, " You may leave the hall now..." I began to dread this new beginning. The semester has concluded, FINALLY and its been such a roller coaster ride to begin with. Life will never be plain sailing and for the 2 years that it has been so sweet for me, its just the right time for some tough times isn't it? Brother's in camp and parents are out working, I don't want to stay alone at home. My friends have their own partners and I wouldn't want to take up their time too. I don't mean the world to anybody else now, I am just, me.... The moment the lads left the exam hall, everyone started calling their loved ones and guess what, I felt so left out for once. For the first time in school right after exams, I felt so much like a left out kid. Sticking out like a sore thumb! Not that I cannot live without a gf, but I guess, having been so used to having her around for the past 2 years really made my life so much more interesting too. Hsing thye came over a few nights ago and we had the longest talk we ever had since secondary school. You know what, I miss these people! hmm He shared his story with me, told me how he felt after initiating his own break up and how he felt so painful deep within. I guess what he said really made me feel so much better. I am so lost in my own thoughts now...SO much so I really don't know what I am feeling...
You give my life a brand new start...
5:05:00 PM
Am I starting to move on already? Or have I gotten past the sad phase? I don't feel the same kind of heart thumping I feel when I look at her profile. Ever since we made it clear a month plus ago, we never really kept in contact. I made it a point not to look at her profile in case the pain lingers on, in case I cannot let go. At this point in time, it feels like I haven't been able to let go too. Out of curiosity, i checked out her profile. It became clear that she changed the names of the albums,deleted some albums and old photos of us. Its clear she wants out.....well my life is in a mess still, I need to find the way out soon!
You give my life a brand new start...
11:24:00 PM
Time really flies doesn't it? The last time I had time to sit down and take a breather was when school started way back in August and in another few days time, I would be free from studying from afternoon to dawn. Sounds ridiculous ain't it? I guess I just work better in the night when I am free to let my thoughts wander. Nowadays my playlists are filled with emotional songs that always seem to express how I really feel deep down. Every little thing for the past 2-3 months has been crazy for me and till now, I still ask myself, what was that one thing that changed all that I have painstakingly built up in 2 years. That's how life is isn't it?
LIFE IS A MAZE AND LOVE IS A RIDDLE.. how apt.........
You give my life a brand new start...
3:01:00 AM
